Hey Look... A Blog!

I have online homework to do for my Calculus class. The program is ridiculous. You can only signal multiplication via parenthesis (I hate parenthesis (irony)):



I certainly don't intend to cheat my wife, however, if I were to ever do so, I would want it to be at a county fair. Then it would be: "An affair at a fair". On top of that, my wife would say, "It isn't fair that you had an affair at a fair." Best case pun scenario, there was an unreasonable price to pay for a boat ride at this carnival, and I could assure my wife, "No, it wasn't fair to pay the fair's fairly far out fare for the fairy at the fair on my affair." While my wife and I have this discussion, I would be holding an issue of Vanity Fair. Now onto other affairs:

I made a Yahoo Answers account. There is an surprisingly large amount of people out there who enjoy answering other people's homework questions. However, I decided to ask something other than that:


If you read my last post, you will know I applied to work for ChaCha. I got the job. Now I earn very, very, very small amounts of money for answering questions like "What does a sheep penis look like?" and "Is it okay to eat poop, as long as you brush your teeth after?".

I wish I was capable of doing back flips:
"Hey Matt, do you have your Lab report? It is due today."
"No I don't professor. But check this out."
*Back flip*
"Hot damn, Matt! That was impressive! A plus!"
"And..."
"And all the money in my wallet. You earned it."
"Damn right I did."

I saw a mime the other day doing what I HOPE was an impression of someone eating a carrot. Regardless, he is going to have to reconsider his performance routine. It looked almost like that would be illegal to do on a public sidewalk.

Friend: "Love is a battlefield and I'm stuck running around with a squirt gun."
Me: "Like a super soaker?"
Friend: "Yeah, I mean, it's just a metaphor though for being vulnerable."
Me: "I gotch'ya. I'm in the same situation. Except my enemy is wearing a white t-shirt."