Jacob Buys a New Jacket

Jacob was never very fond of clothes. Well, no surprise there for Jacob didn't like a lot of things. Jacob really didn't like people. Jacob hated people.

"Hey Jacob! Do you want to come play baseball with us and then maybe go watch some space movies afterwards?" asked Jacob's neighbor, Skeeter.

"I would rather find a garden hose and stick it as far down your throat as I possibly could. I would then proceed to turn it on to its maximum level and watch the fluids peel through your flesh from the inside out," responded Jacob as he took off his pants.

"All right man. You're a bit creepy, but you have a face that looks like a President's face." Skeeter then walked away, never to be seen again.

Meanwhile, Jacob, pantless and sitting on his front patio, looked up at the sky and began to question God on the reason for existence.

"What is our purpose? If we did not exist before you created us, what motivation was there behind our creation? What necessity influenced your decision to create humans? People say we are here for a purpose or on a mission. However, before we existed, no mission would have existed, for there would be no world and no humans. It would seem redundant to create something whose only purpose is to fix a problem that only exists because of that same something," postulated Jacob as he took off his shirt.

"Well my dear little Jacob," responded God from the snowy mountains of Heaven, "Let me answer your question with another question. Do you want a new jacket?"

"EW! I hate clothes!" Yelled Jacob up to god.

"You know Jacob, my father once told me that I could grow up to be anything I want – a doctor, a fisherman, or even the ruler of the universe. I was naïve at the time, caught up in my mid-teens, and too focused on chasing girls and having fun to really listen to what he was trying to say. My point is Jacob, that just because you hate clothes today, doesn't mean that I CAN'T TURN THE WEATHER INTO A ICY HELL-STORM AND UNLEASH THE BITTER APOCALYPSE UPON YOUR TOWN!!! Now do you want the jacket before you get really cold?"

"I guess so…" Jacob thought, "Yeah. Yeah I'll take the jacket. How much?"

"Twelve fifty."

"OK."

Jacob bought the jacket at the reasonable price God offered. It was cozy, however it didn't protect him from the sharp blade which crushed his skull into pieces as the apocalypse raided his town and pillaged his mom.